


silent night (record scratch, record scratch, drop the bass)

by gdragon (gdgdbaby)



Category: Big Bang (Band), K-pop
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-25 00:28:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gdgdbaby/pseuds/gdragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Youngbae frowns at the list of workable songs Jiyong's just handed him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	silent night (record scratch, record scratch, drop the bass)

**Author's Note:**

> big bang attempt to record a hip-hop christmas album at yg's behest. it goes about as well as you'd expect. written for advent. originally posted at [livejournal](http://gdgdbaby.livejournal.com/100171.html).

"I can't believe they're making us sell out like this," Seungri's wailing.

"After all the crap we've had to do in the past six years, recording a Christmas album is where you draw the line?" Daesung asks, incredulous. "Okay, maknae."

Youngbae frowns down at the list of workable songs Jiyong hands him. "Is this supposed to be a free-for-all? Did sajangnim even say what he wanted?"

"No, just that your rendition of Feliz Navidad was awful and we weren't allowed to touch it," Jiyong says, grinning when Youngbae punches him in the shoulder. "Ow, fuck. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. All he said was that we're supposed to try doing hip-hop and R&B renditions of English-language Christmas songs. So you know this can only end in disaster."

Daesung raises his eyebrows. "Why do you look so happy about it?"

"I want to see what Seunghyun comes up with."

"What I come up with for what?" Seunghyun bursts into the studio, pageboy hat askew. He shrugs off his puffy jacket and hangs it over a chair.

"You're late," they chorus.

"Hi, hyung," Seungri adds.

"No, really," Seunghyun says. "Why am I here? The apocalypse is tomorrow."

Youngbae brandishes the song list at Seunghyun, who takes it, brow furrowed.

"What is this?"

"Yang-goon floated the idea of a Christmas cover album at the meeting this afternoon," Jiyong explains. "Hip-hop style, for the fan contingent."

Seunghyun rubs his chin. "What exactly does that entail? Like, _yo, Santa, swag, swag, check_? Does he really think there's a market for that? _Deck the halls with boughs of holly, boom shakalaka, shakalaka_? Why are you all laughing?"

"No reason," Jiyong says, struggling to breathe. "Keep going, though, this is gold."

 

 

Ply Seunghyun with enough soju and he'll do just about anything, within reason—reason being: 1) no removal of clothing, and 2) don't fucking test him on number one. Everything else is fair game, though, which is why when Teddy walks in to lock up for the night, it's to Seunghyun drunkenly singing _ooh, Santa, 'cause you'll always be my baby_ to Mariah Carey's seminal classic, with Seungri and Daesung filling in the _doo doo doo dum_ s.

"We're all going to hell, you know," Youngbae's saying, as Jiyong tries to set some of their terrible freestyle to a dubstep version of The Little Drummer Boy.

"At least I'll have you there with me," Jiyong says solemnly.

"Yo, don't you know it's the end of the world?" Teddy calls over the noise. Jiyong shuts the music off and Seunghyun yelps into the microphone with protest. "What are you guys still doing here?"

"Recording Christmas covers, like sajangnim asked," says Youngbae.

Teddy sends him a weird look. "He scratched that idea—"

"Of course he did," Daesung mutters.

"—apparently there are too many of those floating around already," he finishes.

"What a waste," Seungri says, and manages to keep a straight face for about two seconds before he bursts into laughter, his cheeks still flushed red from the alcohol.

"I guess you could always try to convince him otherwise," Teddy says dubiously. "What do you have so far?"

"It's all crap," Jiyong admits.

"I'm hurt," Seunghyun says, plopping down into the chair next to Youngbae's, hand pressed to his chest.

"It'd make a good cautionary Christmas present," Youngbae suggests, voice dry. "Never release a YGE holiday cover album because this is what it would sound like."

Teddy hits the space bar and listens to the first few bars of their bastardized version of The Christmas Song, a thoughtful expression on his face. "It's like a Skrillex album and a Nat King Cole album had a devil child," Seunghyun says, grimacing.

"You know, this isn't half bad," Teddy remarks.

"You're joking, right?" Jiyong waves a hand in his face. "I think you've been in this rut for too long, man, it's messed up your ability to discern—"

"Hey, shut up," Teddy says casually. "Good hip-hop Christmas songs exist, you just need to hit on the right combo—"

"Of what?" Daesung asks. "Heartwarming and badass and ridiculous?"

There's a lull in the conversation and Seungri's voice floats in from the recording booth, his nasally falsetto of _All I Want For Christmas Is You_ breaking through the silence.

"Yeah, okay, maybe not," Teddy says hastily. Daesung's shaking his head and Seunghyun's shaking with laughter, face buried in his arms. "Moment of weakness, sorry."

Jiyong starts downloading the half-finished tracks onto his phone, anyway. "They'll make a good alarms."

"More like good blackmail material," Youngbae points out.

"Please," Jiyong says. "Like I need any more of that."

Seunghyun lifts his head off the desk after a long moment, brow furrowed. "What is that supposed to mean?"


End file.
